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British-Comedian Adam Kay Reveals He Was Raped in New Zealand — and His Attacker “Thanked” Him Afterwards
In a deeply personal and harrowing disclosure, British comedian and former doctor Adam Kay has revealed that he was raped in a sauna in New Zealand — and that the man who assaulted him reportedly said “thanks” afterwards. (Advocate.com)
The Story Behind the Revelation
In his memoir Undoctored: The Story of a Medic Who Ran Out of Patients, Kay recounts how the assault took place about a decade ago, while he was in New Zealand for a medical conference and planned to perform a short comedy set. At the time, Kay — then closeted and married — decided to use the trip to have a clandestine sexual liaison with another man. According to his account, he entered a sauna under a false name, hoping for an anonymous affair. (Advocate.com)
Inside the sauna, a man escorted him to a secluded cubicle, where the assault occurred. As Kay recalls, he repeatedly said “no” — but was overpowered, his head forced into a wipe-clean cushion that smelled of antiseptic, with loud music drowning out his screams. After the attack ended, the man allegedly said “thanks” before leaving. The moment haunted Kay for years. (Advocate.com)
Why He Stayed Silent — and Why He Spoke Out Now
For over a decade, Kay kept the assault secret. He feared that reporting it would “make it real,” expose his sexuality, and result in blame or shame falling on him. In his book, he reflects on the silence: “Maybe I was too ashamed,” he writes. “Or maybe I just knew from the moment it happened that I would never forget it … every minute, every second … etched into me in indelible ink.” (Attitude)
Now, by sharing his experience publicly, Kay aims to challenge the stigma around male rape and to encourage survivors — regardless of gender — to speak out. As he discussed in interviews, the trauma he endured contributed to his decision to leave the medical profession and eventually inspired his writing.
Broader Significance: Consent, Shame & Survivor Voices
Kay’s story underscores how complex issues of consent, shame, and societal expectations can silence survivors. That his perpetrator said “thanks” after the rape highlights the horror and absurdity of sexual violence — undermining any narrative that associates rape only with aggression or brutality. The fact that he waited years to disclose the assault further reveals how internalized shame and fear of “coming out” can deter survivors from seeking help or justice.
By using his platform — built from bestselling memoirs and a celebrated comedy career — Kay transforms personal trauma into a public conversation about male sexual violence, consent, and the long-lasting consequences of assault.
